Slipping away
by Sixteens
Summary: It was almost over, she could feel it. The end was coming, and the taste of it was delicious.


Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to the brilliant J.K. Rowling. Everything recognisable is hers, everything else is mine. Hope you enjoy this! R&R! :)

* * *

_Slowly fading away, you're lost and so afraid_

_Where is the hope in a world so cold? _

_- RED, not alone._

* * *

The water dripped down the edge of the sink, slowly overflowing. The candlelights flickered intermittently, the orange tendrils of fire creating small shapes on the wall. It was deathly quiet, the only sound slicing eerily through the silence was the occasional branch hitting the closed window. A girl sat in the midst of the mass of candles, her long dark hair nearly touching the cold, tiled floor. Her feet were crossed in front of her, her left arm positioned over one knee. A sharp, shiny blade was clasped in her right hand, posed over her wrist readily. The slight hesitation annoyed her, why couldn't she do it? She'd be waiting for the house to be empty for weeks to do it. Now was her moment. No hesitation was needed. Just a little movement across her wrists and it was all over.

She touched her skin with the cold blade and she flinched slightly at the contact. Her skin was covered in goosebumps, her breathing came out in shorter intervals. How easy it was, to just end your life. With a flick of a sharp blade, a single indication of a curse, a simple push, a simple hit in the right place, and you were gone. Just like that. Nothing could ever save you from death when it was coming for you.

She had a lot of reasons for wanting to end her life; it all began when she was very young, unknowing, inexperienced but ultimately, damaged. She was six, going on a trip to France with her parents, and they were driving to the airport. She remembered feeling very anxious and afraid, she had always hated heights. She never told her parents the extent of her fear, and that was her one big mistake. They got on the plane and everything was well and dandy for a while, until the plane started shaking - the flight attendant said it was only _slight_turbulence and it'd pass in no time, but it didn't. There hadn't been any danger to them, she would later find out, but she couldn't stop herself from being deadly afraid and reacting violently to it.

In the end, in a violent fit of magic, she sent the aeroplane speeding down to the ground. Apparently, she sent the machines that keep help the aeroplane fly in an overdrive and they broke. Basically, she fried them. The plane crashed, and she was the only survivor. It was like, whatever divine source was up there, was telling her she deserved it all, for causing the crash in the first place. To this day no one knows how she survived, she herself couldn't remember what exactly had happened. All she remembered was that she killed her parents and everyone else in the plane.

She was a killer. Had been from a young age.

She didn't deserve to live. Not really.

So, she was going to end it all.

She titled her hand back and placed the blade on top of the her left wrist again. She gritted her teeth, her eyes focused on the visible vain underneath her skin. She did it quickly, efficiently, and sure enough a thin red line become visible and blood started to pour from it. She moved on her other wrist, slicing through the tender skin with cruel satisfaction, watching as the blood dripped down her hand, between her fingers and to the pristine white tiles. A smile touched her lips as she waited the life to drain out of her, emitting a sigh as a relaxed, cold feeling took over her body. She leaned against the cold bathtub and closed her eyes, patiently waiting for death to come for her.

And then it was ruined.

A loud crack broke through the silence, causing her to jerk upright and stare at the small creature standing in the middle of the room, staring at her with large, frightened eyes.

"What is young mistress doing?" Mitzi asked, looking horrified as she spotted her bleeding wrists and the two puddles of blood on the ground.

She groaned. "Go away, Mitzi." She grumbled, displeased. "There's nothing you could now."

"Mitzi is not leaving!" The small house elf declared defiantly. "Mitzi is helping young mistress."

"Don't touch me!" She snapped when Mitzi grabbed her arms, but the house elf had a surprisingly strong grip for such a tiny thing. "I order you not to touch me!"

Mitzi's antagonized eyes met hers and she smirked in satisfaction. The house elf let go of her unwillingly, looking for the first time like she disliked being ordered around. "Mitzi, le—"

Before she could finished her sentence, Mitzi snapped her fingers and bandages wrapped tightly around her wrists. Her eyes widened in horror and anger and she glared venomously at the small elf. "What did you do?" She hissed, attempting to wrench of the bandages.

"Mitzi is helping young mistress." Mitzi replied calmly.

The bandages slowly become red where her cut was and she smiled again, realising Mitzi hadn't closed her wounds, but just put bandages on them. Mitzi noticed that too, and she looked panicked for a moment.

"Leave!" She snapped. "Leave right now, Mitzi, and don't come back!"

Mitzi looked pained, but she had no other choice but to obey, and disappear. She gritted her teeth, searching frantically for the razor blade. She found it by the puddle of blood by her side and she grabbed it, quickly slicing through the bandages. She was going to fouled when she was finally ready to do it! She didn't deserve to live. None of them understood that, and she was saving them and herself from having to explain to them.

She breathed out deeply, blinking a couple of times as a dizzy feeling started to take over. There it was, the very first sign of blood loss. She settled against the bathtub again, breathing in and out rhythmically. She started to doze off, her consciousness slipping away from her.

It was almost over, she could feel it. The end was coming, and the taste of it was delicious.

* * *

When Lori Fray woke up, she wasn't greeted by her parents' smiling faces as she had hoped she would. Instead, she stared up at the familiar canopy of her bed, frustration welling up in her. She looked down at her hands, saw them tightly bandaged again, no sign of blood anywhere. She gritted her teeth, slowly pushing herself to a sitting position. Her vision went black for a second, and she pressed a shaking hand to her forehead, hoping in vain it would soothe the throbbing.

The door opened, creaking softly. Lori looked up and saw the worried face of Karen Fray, her rich brown eyes, usually so full of adoration, were now confused and hurt. Lori looked down at her lap, feeling almost embarrassed. Karen and Noël had tried their best to give her home, to become the parents she'd lost. She loved them both, she was so grateful to them for trying, but even they couldn't save her from her own hell. No one could save her.

Karen approached the bed slowly, sitting down on Lori's bed, crossing her legs primly. She stared , absently twisting the silver bracelet around her slender wrist. Lori's heart sank when she noticed the bracelet; it belonged to her mother, and she had given it to Karen because she felt like she deserved to have it. It was something to show Lori's love for her, when Lori herself couldn't.

"I don't understand." Karen said softly. "I thought you were happy."

Lori shrugged, biting her lower lip at the disappointment in Karen's eyes.

"Why didn't you tell us you feel this way?" Karen's hand covered Lori's, the paleness of her skin greatly contrasting with the tan tone of Lori's hand. Another reminder that she wasn't her child, like she needed any at the moment. She moved her hand, hiding it under the heavy duvet.

"You wouldn't have understood. You would have tried to stop me." Lori said, finally looking up at Karen.

"Well, of course we'd try to stop you!" Karen exclaimed. "You are _my _daughter." Lori flinched slightly, shrinking a little bit as she emphasized on the little word. "I love you! I want to help you! Just tell me what's wrong, please." Karen looked pleadingly at Lori, her young face scrunching up in motherly concern. Lori's heart hurt just looking at her, because at this very moment she reminded her so much of the mother she missed.

"You can't do anything to help me." Lori said, looking away from Karen's eyes. "I'm lost."

"No, no you're not! There's always a way out, trust me. Do you think I've never felt like you? You lost the two people most important to you. I've suffered a loss just as great as yours." Lori looked at Karen, who had one hand clutching her stomach, while her other was curled in a fist at her side. "I miss Ellie so much, every minute, every day. You can't escape from that. I know that even better than you, but you need to learn to live with it. Don't give up yet, Lori. You are so young, you have so much ahead of you and... it pains me to watch you slowly wasting all that time away." Karen inhaled shakily. "I see Ellie in you, and I'm not going to lose you like I lost her." She pursed her lips, giving Lori a determined look. "I'm sorry, Lori, but every time you try to do something stupid like that, I'll be there to ruin it for you."

Lori's face contorted. "You can't —"

"Yes, I can." Karen said firmly. "You are grounded not to leave the house until September 1st comes. You are going to be followed around my Mitzi, we'll confiscated anything potentially dangerous from your room, you will attend weekly therapy sessions with the psychologist we hired from St. Mungo's and you're not going to complains about it." Karen stood up and smoothed down her blouse, ignoring the scandalized look Lori shot her. "I'm sorry, Lori, but you brought this on yourself. When you are ready to speak to me about your problems, you know where to find me. Until then, you are under house arrest." She grabbed Lori's wand from the bedside table and headed for the door.

"Wait, you're not actually going to do this to me, are you?" Lori asked, looking disbelievingly at Karen, who smiled sadly.

"I'm afraid I'd have to, until you get better." Karen pushed the doorknob and opened the door. "If you don't get better until September, you might have to spent your seventh year being home schooled."

"What?" Lori yelped, outraged. "You can't do that! I'm seventeen! I'm of age, I can decide whether to go or not go to school!"

"I'm still in charge of your well-being, and given your special _condition _I'm sure Albus would agree it'd be best for everyone if we keep you here." Karen didn't sound pleased that she had to take such drastic measures but Lori didn't care. They were basically stripping away her freedom! Making her a prisoner!

"Do you think locking me away would make me feel better?" Lori asked in an eerily quiet voice, trying to keep her anger at bay. As angry as she was, she couldn't let things to get out of hand. She had to control her emotions if she didn't want to hurt Karen.

"You gave me no choice." Karen said quietly and left the room.

* * *

"'Morning, kid." Lori said as she sat down on the ground, cradling the large mug of coffee in her hands. The sun was high in the sky, the air was unusually humid, and Karen and Noël had finally returned to work. There was still Mitzi, who had become a constant presence in each of her days, but the house elf was tactful and nice enough to keep shut about her visits to dead girl she never knew, and took the place of. Lori visited Ellie's grave almost every morning, talking for hours on end about her problems and feelings. It was probably a bit wacky, but whatever, Lori was long past wacky anyway. She didn't want Karen and Noël to know about that simply because she didn't know how they'd react. Better not make them think she was weirder than they already thought she was. It wouldn't be good for their sanity, especially after her suicide attempt.

"So, I'm alive. I haven't joined you guys yet. Mitzi thinks she did me a great favour, but you and I both know she didn't." Lori exhaled deeply, taking a sip from her bitter coffee. "I'm grounded and being under watch 24/7. I'm supposed to have my first therapy session later today and I just know it's going be a giant joke. Seriously, do they think that by pouring all of my feelings out on a complete stranger, who only pretends to care to get a fat paycheck, would help me in any way? I mean, I thought they were smart. Karen, of all people, should know that therapy doesn't work. Noël has told me enough stories of her chasing therapists out of the house after your death to know that they don't help with anything. One would think she'd understand my reluctance."

Lori rolled her eyes, taking another sip from her coffee. "But no. Can you believe she actually threatened not to let me go to Hogwarts if I don't get better? It's ridiculous. I guess I understand why she's afraid to let me go, but she still can't force me to stay here. I'm not going to try to do it again, not for a while at least. I'm not going to risk another failed attempt. They might chuck me in St. Mungo's psycho ward, you never know. And I certainly don't want _that."_

_"_Oh, the woes of being a teenager." Lori said in a sarcastic voice, sighing dramatically deep in the end of the sentence. "Cheers." She said as she tipped her coffee mug in the large, marble tombstone's direction and took a big drink from her coffee. She smacked her lips together after she swallowed and fell into thoughtful silence, staring emptily at the words engraved in rock. "It's really sad." She said suddenly. "Your death, I mean. You were so young, you hadn't lived at all. I mean, people like you don't deserve death. Now that bloke Voldemort and his little lap dogs deserve all nine circles of hell. I told you about him, didn't I? How he goes around and parades with his _pure_ blood and his _noble_intentions of cleansing the wizarding world of the filth — meaning anyone who isn't a pureblood."

Lori snorted derisively, rolling her eyes. "Shows how stupid he is, really. I am a muggle born, even though those idiots don't know that, and they still invited me to their secret meetings. If muggle borns were so pathetic and weak, why would Regulus Black badger me for weeks to join their little club of Death Eater hopefuls? Full on hypocrisy, and it pisses me off. He doesn't care one bit about blood purity or the status of the old families in the magic community. All he cares about is his arse and getting it on the highest position of power there is." She snorted again.

"And then people ask me why I hate living in this world..."

She stared moodily into the distance, touching the bandages on her left wrist absently.

"Young mistress!" Lori's head snapped up and she looked at Mitzi, who was suddenly beside her. "Healer Ashwood is waiting! In the drawing-room, young mistress!" Lori remembered the times when she was happy to see the small house elf. She no longer felt it. She sighed and stood up, dusting off her shorts of the dirt.

"Let's get this party started." She muttered to herself as she headed back to the house.


End file.
